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<title>i'm reaching for that higher ground (i keep losing in the most alarming ways) by no_second_chances</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29672628">i'm reaching for that higher ground (i keep losing in the most alarming ways)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/no_second_chances/pseuds/no_second_chances'>no_second_chances</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Author Is Sleep Deprived, Character Death, Gender-neutral Reader, Non-Graphic Violence, Other, ah the sacred tag</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:21:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>757</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29672628</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/no_second_chances/pseuds/no_second_chances</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>War does not yield; it takes lives hungrily.</p><p> </p><p>You didn't expect to be the one caught in the crossfire, though.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Armin Arlert/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'm reaching for that higher ground (i keep losing in the most alarming ways)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>warning, you die.</p><p>....<br/>aha</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Y/n, there you are- <em>oh my god</em>," his relieved shout quickly transitions to alarm when faced with the sight of you stumbling through the carnage. You're battered and bruised, your side painted in the crimson of your own blood.</p><p> </p><p>"Armin, I can't-" you cough, the sound ragged and grating- "I can't keep going." </p><p> </p><p>His eyes meet yours, concern and terror and dozens more emotions shining under the brilliant sapphire. Armin has always been one to get nervous over little things. He liked things to go smoothly.</p><p> </p><p>This, decidedly, is not going smoothly.</p><p> </p><p>The life is slowly draining from you, fatigue taking its place.</p><p> </p><p>Time is slipping through your hands, all the years you wanted to have with him flying away like papers in the wind.</p><p> </p><p>War does not yield; it takes lives hungrily.</p><p> </p><p>You didn't expect to be the one caught in the crossfire, though.</p><p> </p><p>Your steps stagger, but he meets you halfway, catching you in his arms with the learned grace of a warrior. As you lean your head on his shoulder, you miss the the open mouthed look of horror on his face. His eyes twitch and burn with unshed tears, and he slowly raises a hand to run it through your hair. </p><p> </p><p>"Armin?"</p><p> </p><p>He swallows, steadying his voice. "Yeah, Y/n?"</p><p> </p><p>"I love you." It's no louder than a whisper, but he can hear it clearly. The battle is finished and won, but-</p><p> </p><p><em> At what cost</em>, his mind hisses. Is it truly a victory if everyone he cares about is gone in the end?</p><p> </p><p>His heart breaks a little. (A lot, actually. It's shattering, splintering into fragments that glue cannot fix.)</p><p> </p><p>"I love you too."</p><p> </p><p>It wasn't supposed to happen like this. This confession was supposed to be happy, filled with hope for the future. He's not supposed to be mourning for someone not yet dead.</p><p> </p><p>"I gave my heart Armin- I swear," you plea breathlessly, "I did what I was supposed to- did I do enough?'</p><p> </p><p>He bites his lip to stifle the rogue sob that threatens to tear itself from his throat.</p><p> </p><p>"You did more than enough, we won. We won Y/n," he promises, putting everything he could behind his words.</p><p> </p><p>"I-" you exhale breathily- "I wanted to have more time with you, I'm sorry I didn't make it."</p><p> </p><p>"No, you're okay- you're okay," he swallows, "it's okay." </p><p> </p><p>You hum dismissively, disbelieving, when an idea comes to your mind.</p><p> </p><p>"Armin?" Your chest is getting tighter now, breathing is getting more difficult.</p><p> </p><p>"Remember that night, when you sang and Connie played guitar?"</p><p> </p><p> A wave of nostalgia laps over him, warm yet bittersweet now that you're draining in his embrace.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah."</p><p> </p><p>A soft, tired smile tugs at your lips, and you raise your head from the crook of his neck to look into his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>"Can you sing?"</p><p> </p><p>Armin looks at you, your face paler and voice rugged from pain and exhaustion. He steadies you as he sinks to the ground, wrapping you in his arms. The dirt clings to both of your legs, but you don't care. </p><p> </p><p>Gently, he hums the song you heard by the campfire, eyes alight and happy. You knew there was a chance you wouldn't make it out, and thought you were prepared for that. With the soft notes, you aren't so sure anymore.</p><p> </p><p>You-</p><p> </p><p>You want more time. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe that's selfish.</p><p> </p><p>But, listening to Armin sing lightly, smelling gunpowder and a scent so familiarly <em>A</em><em>rmin, </em> you guess there are worse ways to die. </p><p> </p><p>Slowly but surely, the searing pain fades, leaving only a faint ache as you drift away.</p><p> </p><p>"I love you," you whisper, clinging to the last moments of him. </p><p> </p><p><em>You don't want to die</em>.</p><p> </p><p>(Your heart stops anyways.)</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>"Y/n?"</p><p> </p><p>(There's no response.)</p><p> </p><p>"Y-Y/n, please answer me." </p><p> </p><p>(Silence.)</p><p> </p><p>He chokes on a broken cry before composing himself.</p><p> </p><p>He stands, making sure not to jostle your body, and gingerly tucks it in his arms.</p><p> </p><p>Your weight is dead in his arms, and there's no pulse in the neck pressed against his chest.</p><p> </p><p>He walks towards the redevous-point, carrying a heavy heart and a heavier mind. </p><p> </p><p>He doesn't have any thoughts, for once. His brain is empty. Nothing is computing.</p><p> </p><p>"Armin-"</p><p> </p><p>"Armin! you're okay-"</p><p> </p><p>"Is that Y/n-"</p><p> </p><p>"Oh my god, what happened-"</p><p> </p><p>He sets you down- gentle and controlled- on top of a white tarp, and sits down, burying his face in blood speckled knees.</p><p> </p><p>He can't listen to his friends' concerns or questions right now.</p><p> </p><p>He just-</p><p> </p><p>needs a moment to think.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading. take care of yourself.</p><p>title from lilies by roland faunte</p></blockquote></div></div>
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